Ice Scream

We have never, to the power of six, had any embryos to freeze at the end of an IVF cycle.

Wouldn't you want to hang out here for while?

This means that each cycle has been started fresh or more appropriately, raw.
Fresh is better, but I am not a vegetable.  Or am I?

Embryos that are not transferred but are still viable two to three days later can be cryopreserved and transferred at a later date.  “Insurance” my embryologist calls it.  “Less drugs, less travel, less stress and less expense” us patients call it.  That sounds so good.  Me want less.
When we get this disappointing news and learn that literally all our eggs are in one basket, the agonizing transfer decision comes home to roost:
  • ANGER:  Stupid!  Stupid!  Stupid!  This never works!  We should have put everything in!  We are idiots.
  • BARGAINING:  This actually comes first and is the major component of the transfer decision.  “Since they all look good lets take some now AND save some for later.”  Cake and eating it, table for two!
  • DEPRESSION:   My body, my child, my family — everything wrought to the bone for this and now there is nothing left.  And now I have to start over?  No.  I can’t do it.  I cannot do this again.
  • ACCEPTANCE:  Though I am the better incubator, if they couldn’t survive two days in a lab there was something wrong on a cellular/chromosomal level.  They would not have survived in my body.  They are gone and I have to start over … wait … IF I have to start over.  Ah, there you are again hope, just past the fury.  Hope in the choice we did make, hope in the embryos we did transfer, hope in the here and now.  Maybe for us fresh is best and that’s our destiny’s child.  Fine.  Lets hurry it on up though because my ovaries are reaching their expiration date.

3 thoughts on “Ice Scream

  1. Pingback: Bloodletting « Black Panty Salvation

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