Bloodletting

My pregnancy test did not go well.  The bloodletting a few minutes later was the first clue.  Then my B + became a F U –  and all the walls came crumbling down.

For you cycle junkies:

  • 9 days BCP
  • Microdose Lupron Flare
  • 300 Gonal F
  • 4 vials Menopur
  • Ganirelix
  • 10 measuring follicles
  • 4 retrieved eggs
  • 4 fertilized eggs via ICSI
  • Progesterone
  • 4 embryos near Grade 1 on Day 3
  • 3 embryos receive assisted hatching and transferred Day 3
  • 1 embryo unsuitable for cryopreservation Day 5 and Day 6
  • Pregnancy test negative

What I didn’t tell you is that I’d been cramping for days.  What I didn’t tell you is that despite the cramps and my black panties, I was certain I wasn’t bleeding and in that blessed oasis lived hope.  But hope rushed away in that trickle down my arm and routine becomes my suffocating band-aid.

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6 thoughts on “Bloodletting

  1. I love you.

    I’ve stared at this post for a half hour, not knowing what on earth to say but desperately wanting to reach out to you. But I know there’s nothing to be said. Except that I love you, a thousand times over and more.

    Like

  2. I love you.

    I’ve stared at this post for a half hour now trying to decide what to say, wanting to say something. But there’s nothing to say, is there? Except… I love you. A thousand times over, and then some.

    Like

  3. Pingback: Visible Monday: Foundation « Black Panty Salvation

  4. Pingback: Hot Tub for the Soul | Black Panty Salvation

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