Elder Stateswoman

Went to group last night. Infertility is horrendous and I feel such compassion for these other women. I was really hoping someone had good news this month but misery loves company and I’m glad I went.

I wish I wasn’t so “experienced” though. I remember coming home from the first meeting and when Kris asked how it went I burst into tears and said “I am the woman they hope they never have to be.” Eyes widen when I share my fertility history, which is requested of everyone when new members are present. There’s always a shudder and slight shaking of heads as in “No way. Not me. Not us.” Even I’m at the point where I can’t perform the recitation without tears. It’s wonderful to share Arlo’s story and the hope he brings but there remains a palpable distance between me and the others. I’m sure over time it will wane but for now I feel a bit the outcast. We are in the same boat after all be it a canoe or the Titanic.

Experience also makes me want to pound my fists on the table every time a member waffles on taking the next step. Unlike Paperwhites, this support group has a professional facilitator but if we were speaking peer-to-peer I would very inappropriately grab these women by the shoulders, lock eyes and give them the advice I give anyone who asks me how to get pregnant:

1. Start now.

2. Stay aggressive.

3. Never quit.

Very obnoxious. I’m proud to say I’ve held my tongue.

For more information on a support group near you, check out RESOLVE: “A support group, whether professionally-led or peer-led, will help you feel less isolated, empower you with knowledge and validate your emotional response to the life crisis of infertility.” Its true, whether you’re the intern or the elder stateswoman.


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