Only one doctor has ever acknowledged the humanity of my losses and so it’s worth outing Dr. Matan Yemini of Diamond Institute for his compassion. During our initial consultation he looked over my history, looked up from my history, looked me in the eye and said “I’m sorry.” Kindness.
Rolling with stereotypes I was certain my new doctor, a woman OBGYN in touchy-feely Madison, would be as compassionate. Wrong. Neither was her nurse with whom I spent forever retelling my history as she painstakingly typed it in to the computer. My previous pregnancies got as much attention as my previous urinary tract infections. No matter. I’m not the first person to complain about red tape or insensitive doctors but I am feeling my very recent past being cut off at the knees. It affects this pregnancy and my overall well-being. How do you ignore the link? What I want is a Midwife. What I want is a home birth. But what I need right now is science and the only way to get it is to move forward with this outfit.
Speaking of moving forward . . . the good news:
Measuring on time.
Robust heart rate of 165 beats per minute.
What a relief to see that little ticker flicker. I’m not thinking about how as a Habitual Aborter my chances of miscarriage are greater or how at 42 miscarriage rates remain at 20% even after a heartbeat. I’m not even thinking about how I’ve been down this road before. This baby is not that baby. Her story is only beginning and I will turn the pages for as long as she tells it.