Astronaut Pizza

Our neighbor offered me a San Pelligrino Limonata the other afternoon while hanging out with the kids in her backyard.  I jumped on the offer knowing it to be an incredible thirst-quencher in a charming fat bottomed bottle.  Walking home about 30 minutes later I thought “I am not feeling well.  What did I have for lunch?”  Then I remembered the lemonade I had a couple of weeks ago and realized my stomach had once again rebelled.

I had no aversions or sickness when pregnant with Arlo.  I had wicked heartburn toward the end but otherwise it was a truly blissful pregnancy from start to finish.  So with this extremely mild and avoidable side effect, along with feeling generally spread out, soft and unattractive, I am thinking only one thing:

Girl baby.

Because girls make you sicker longer.

Because girls give you acne, lopsided boobs and darker areolas.

Because girls steal your beauty.

Because girls are nothing but trouble.

Arrrrgggh.  I can’t believe that I’m subscribing to this bunk.  I’m ashamed of myself.  Why would I put all this baggage on my unborn child?  “You were always a problem, even in the womb!”  And yet I can’t get it out of my mind.

Because I’m lazy I am hoping for another boy.  There it is.  Full stop.  Also having once been a little girl, I can tell you I did not enjoy it, not one little bit (except for my Holly Hobbie shirt which was awesome).  This has everything to do with my childhood and not my gender but still, I think the road is longer and harder for girl babies.  I believe it.  I’d like to avoid the whooooole thing.  When it comes to the sex talk I just want to be able to say “Don’t stick it in anyone without a condom.  Got it?” and then go out for astronaut pizza in our telepod.

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10 thoughts on “Astronaut Pizza

  1. I thought I was having a girl for sure because of all the same reasons you mentioned above. Then the doc said “that’s a penis.” “Are you sure?” I asked, and he responded that he’s basically seen a lot more of them than I have. I almost didn’t believe it until Elias popped out.

    Also, I loved lemon everything too.

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  2. I was vomited everytime I had sugar, the sweeter the item the more aggressive the sickness, from weeks 12 up until HE was born…. so you just never know!!

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  3. But you would be such an extraordinary Baby Girl mama! Like, I think you were born to parent a girl. She would be the smartest, givingest, bravest little chick ever. And, PS, we can totally find Holly Hobbie sheets on eBay. I had them. Just saying….

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  4. You’ll have the most perfect child either way but I have to say I am happy to know another woman who isn’t all like “Oh my God if I don’t have a girl I will cry and my life will never be truly fulfilling! Look, pink dresses!”. I am in awe of my little boys and love the world of superheroes and dinosaurs they have introduced me to – even though I swore I was going to have boys that would play with dolls and tea sets because I wasn’t going to gender stereotype them.

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    • In my whole life I will never understand Arlo’s passion for diggers and hitting stuff. He didn’t get it from me. Actually, strike that. I do understand. It’s because he’s his own person with his own ideas of fun and mayhem. Bless.

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  5. Yummmm, limonata sounds wonderful. I have never tried it and now it is on my to do list.

    As for the girl child dilemma–stuff and nonsense, woman. You will be the best mom, as you already are, to whatever gender you have. AND, IF it is a girl, you will love every minute of it and will help her to be the best female she can be at every age. Our past does not dictate who we are now or our future…unless we allow it to.

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