I love to read about what other people eat – but not how they cook – and that is why I never miss New York magazine’s New York Diet.  Whoever posts for the week rarely eats at home, is some kind of New York notable and I can only assume is brutally honest.  A recent favorite was Ottavia Bourdain, the meat-eating, Jiu Jitsu fighting, soulmeat of Anthony.

I think a lot about food and hate it.  Thinking about it, not food itself.  I fasted for about four days several years ago and couldn’t believe how much more time I had.  It was the same as cutting off my hair:  freedom.  But then I had enough and since I was living in New York at the time, I broke fast with a toasted sesame bagel and a latte.  Then I had a cigarette.  Best meal ever.

I think about food because I think about controlling my weight; an excruciating, soul-sucking past-time that began when I was 11 years old.  Even at the peak of my physical fitness (thank you US Army) I still weighed more than 170 lbs.  (I am not 6’4″, for the record.)

My other Army uniform

Coming in to this pregnancy I started higher than where I’d like to be BUT WHEN HAS THAT NEVER BEEN THE CASE?  God it’s exhausting.  I can’t wait until we all just pop a pill that will satiate both our appetite and nutritional needs so we can get on with it.  Anyway, I need to be mindful of my weight gain this pregnancy and if history repeats itself I’ll be fine but still, weight remains ever-present in my life and with it, the food I consume.

Madison Diet, 8/31/2012:

1/4 box of shredded wheat with strawberries and milk

Cream cheese toast with smoked salmon, red onion and parsley

6 8 10 pieces of candy corn

1/2 pint of sea salt caramel ice cream

1/4 cup sunflower seeds

1/2 jumbo box Junior Mints

Pizza Brutta’s FINOCCHIO: Crushed tomato, oregano, pepper flakes, fennel sausage, green olives, red onion, fontina, fresh mozzarella minus the crusts

1 orange


I’ve been eating like this for about two weeks and have avoided the scale, convinced I’d gained at least six pounds.  Instead?  Nothing.  Zero.  Call Ripley’s.  I can only attribute it to  bike riding, breastfeeding and baby.  Arlo had a horrible night and a bad nap today so he probably nursed 4x as much as he normally does.  Does that mean I need 4x as many calories tonight?  Math is hard.  Just bring me more Dill Pickle Tater Chips and step away.  Step.  Away.


3 thoughts on “Soulmeat

  1. I have said this before…I can relate so well to this food thing. After school I SlimFasted my way down to about 128 (I believe with the help of some laxatives if memory serves me right)…partly to be thin, partly because food was a bother. After I got married and I had to cook for/feed people, I started gaining. I remember freaking out when I hit 145….145!! At my height, that is still very thin. I joined a gym, kept on gaining. I stopped getting on the scale. I still don’t get on it unless at the doctor’s office and even then I don’t look. I have to work at not obsessing about my weight/size. It is getting easier the older I get.

    I think you look smokin’ hot in that red dress no matter what your weight. But I also think you look healthy and glowing now. Keep on doing whatever it is you are doing.


  2. Pingback: Visible Monday: Optical Ilusion « Black Panty Salvation

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