Visible Monday: Wanting
Last Visible Monday, I was nine days postpartum and lost 21 of my 30 pound weight gain.
Since then I’ve plateaued. Turns out you can’t eat like you’re breastfeeding triplets when you’re breastfeeding one child.
Something had to change. I can’t walk, bounce, carry, pace, lift or move any more that I already do, so I reduced my input. As a result I’ve lost six of the remaining nine, or 27 of 30 lbs. These last six came at a price though – my satisfaction. Do I want to live a life without graham crackers? Misery! Hershey Bars, cookies, ice cream, bagels, graham crackers? Torture! I wouldn’t say I’m starving because that sounds unhealthy but I’m kind of starving.
Most of all I am dissatisfied. Raw almonds and half an apple for breakfast. Tuna for lunch. Coffee, tea and grapefruit for snacks. Zzzzzzzzz. My clothes feel better. My body feels better but glllllllluck, at what price? There may be such a thing as one graham cracker and one Hershey Bar but then why bother at all? In for a penny, in for a pound. Losing weight sucks.
I will lose the remaining three pounds and probably beyond. I’ll get to a number and size that makes me comfortable and that I can maintain and I’ll do it all the while wanting.