Alpha Sheep

Gathering Wool

4:24am.

I sent that text to my husband when we were in New Jersey for Farrah’s Annaprashan.  He slept with Arlo in one room and I slept with Farrah in the other.  While the daytimes were celebratory, the nights were the worst I’d experienced since Good Yesterday.  On the night I sent this text, Farrah was awake every two hours, then awake from 3:30am until 6:00am and then up for good at 7:45am.  The night before that she went to bed at 9:00pm and woke up every hour until 5am.  That’s why I asked Kris to sleep with his phone.  Though he might not be able to comfort her, he could support me as I comforted her and that’s how we do.

Last night Farrah fell asleep at 7:00pm then awoke at
9:30pm
11:40pm
1:45am (and stayed awake until 3:30am) then awoke at 6:30am for the day.

 

Blah blah black sleep.  Home or away, sick or healthy, today or tomorrow, Farrah’s sleep is consistently wretched.

I remind myself that things weren’t much better when Arlo was eight months’ old and that I survived.  Arlo woke up every three hours until he was 17 months’ old.  Now his sleep is very smooth and has been for a good long while; stories, smooches and he sleeps soundly until morning.  I stopped expecting things to be better with Farrah many months ago but I do hope for better, sooner.

Most days and all evenings my mind is occupied by how I’m going to manage during the night.  There is a certain amount of dread at every sunset but mostly there is acceptance.  Acceptance with tears and cursing, but acceptance nonetheless.  I wish I could be a better mother and better wife but I am a slave to her sleep; it holds the dominant position in our household and my finger hurts from plugging up the dam of despair.  But as kind-hearted people are so quick to note: at least she’s cheerful!

Alpha Sheep

And she is – you are – my little tomato, but please Darling, save it for the sunrise.

Yours,
Omega Sheep

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3 thoughts on “Alpha Sheep

  1. Pingback: Death Becomes Her | Black Panty Salvation

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