Deep Thoughts on Moving and Dita Von Teese
- This is the move where I look the guys in the eye as they carry out my bloodstained mattress pad.
- I completed one of those internet quizzes and discovered my Native American name would be One Bed Many Bleeds.
- “That which does not kill you” makes you donate it to Goodwill just to get it the fuck off your To Do list.
- I can’t wait to unpack all the half-dead moths the cats have collected this summer. The kids will need a snack.
- That carpet stain is coffee. The other one, a mystery. Don’t ask, just roll it up and put it on the truck.
- I signed a contract stating I would not import pornography into Canada, not even vintage pornography featuring a somewhat unrecognizable Dita Von Teese:
- All of our ziploc bags which are packed in a cardboard box are going to be wrapped in paper and packed in a cardboard box.
- “Oh, just leave that. I’ll pack it myself.” said no one ever.
- I’m so glad I’m on my period. I wasn’t feeling enough feelings this week.
- One look at 2014 Dita and you know she bleeds in the shape of an orchid. Her periods could be commissioned for a hot new line of luxury linens.
- Can anyone explain this to me?
- I sense there will be a lot of unused toys and frayed t-shirts that will be “lost in the move”.
It will be a relief when the house is empty and I don’t have to think about the Where, What and How any longer. I’ll only have to focus on the Who which is What really matters anyway.
Take my stuff. Please.