Medicating Salvation: It Puts The Pills In The Purse

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I look like my house:

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Pretty in the front, nothing on the sides.  I just got my hair cut and it is the exact opposite of what I wanted, as depicted by the look on my face.

No matter though!

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We make do.

This post is not about my hair though god knows it’s a topic I could discuss at length.

At length.

Ahem.

This post is about anxiety and panic.  As my stylist was buzzing the sides the of my head – despite telling him I didn’t want anything “buzzy” – my body started with its sweaty, heart-racing, dizzying nonsense.  It was then I looked at the fork in the road and chose the path most recently travelled: spiraling thoughts of me popping out of the chair, texting Kris to come get me, leaving the kids with who what where, everyone else in the salon staring while I hyperventilated in a cape, head half-shaved.  Then I turned around and went back to the fork and told my brain to tell my body that this is just a fucking haircut.  I closed my eyes and started to deeply breathe, blowing whiskers off my chin with every exhale until finally, despite disliking the outcome, I made it through the experience unscathed.

I “made it through” my haircut.  Never in my life … I had my head shaved in front of a crowd only a year ago fercrissake and today, in my post 4/15/15 brain … I am the proud survivor of a haircut.  I mean … really?  Really.

The lesson learned for me is simple: put some of those pills in my purse.  If I now have the propensity for full-blown panic – and I think I do – take a clonazepam before a haircut, a dental cleaning or a flight, just in case my body decides not to listen to my brain.  My body can be an asshole like that so, we make do.

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2 thoughts on “Medicating Salvation: It Puts The Pills In The Purse

  1. For what it’s worth – I love it. My stylist actually has the same cut, short and buzzed sides. She’s an edgy mama, and so are you, so it’s fitting :)

    Hang in there dear! You seem to be managing things well!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: If I Live-Blogged the Prince Concert | Black Panty Salvation

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