Temporary Blondeness

For years I have been waiting to go gray so I could go blonde.  I’ve always wanted to try platinum and thought if I was going to dye, why not dye blonde?

Gray has refused to bloom but a mid-life crisis conveniently arrived so I stopped waiting.  Color me blonde.

Page 1

Meh.

I can’t explain the physical and emotional transformation I expected from going blonde and as I type these words I have to chuckle because hair is dead.  I do believe changing your appearance can manifest different feelings but the only thing I feel is uncomfortable.  That’s still me there but what’s on top of my head?  Superficially I know it’s wrong because it’s so golden and as a Deep Winter that color has no business framing my face.  I’ve never spent so much time criticizing my skin or fretting over my appearance and fuck that because TIME (see “mid-life crisis” above).  I’ve never worked this hard on my eyebrows and I am someone who once owned Courteney Cox’s Exclusive Eyebrow Shaping Kit.  (It was the 90’s.)  I could star in a remake of “Roots” and it would be just as miserable and take just as long.

It’s been a slow year, personally.  I take responsibility for not setting goals but I also take satisfaction in settling my family into a new city, new country, new life.  That shit has been work.  My going blonde was nothing more than a grasp at metamorphosis now that the cocoon is intact.  It was a feeble, impulsive and expensive mistake because I emerged not transcendent but distracted.  There’s nothing more important to me than time and this is not how I want to spend mine.  Pick, pick, pick.  It’s also not the mother I want to be; of course I have moments of self-doubt and humanity, but when my kids see me in front of a mirror I want them to know I’m there to adorn something that’s already beautiful, just as they are, as you are, as we all are.

Seriously

Seriously

Blonde is not for me and now I know.  Bucket List, Check!  I have a feeling that silver is going to suit me very well one day and probably sooner than I expect.  Until then I look forward to shaving my head again and starting anew.  Metamorphosis pending.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Temporary Blondeness

  1. I. Love. It. Deep winter or not, you wear that color beautifully! You have amazing bone structure though so pretty much anything looks lovely on you (bald included). I totally, 100% get where you are coming from, though. Own the silver, the bald, the whatever. You do you, sister.

    I’m getting an undercut buzz at my next hair appointment, because blue hair is not enough, I got bit hard by the wild-hair bug. It probably doesn’t suit me, I rarely get compliments, but guess what? I don’t kerrrrrrrr. It may not suit my face but it fits my personality, and I should have embraced the fun sooner. I’m happy for age and the freedom it has given me to enjoy life regardless of what the ‘rules’ or other’s opinions happen to be!

    Old biddies, unite! ;)

    Like

  2. Kind of amazing. I think the blonde look ridiculously good with your skin tone. But if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. I think you look like a rock star though. And clearly you already have a heart of gold, so what does it matter if you have a little fun on the outside?

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: