If I Live-Blogged the Prince Concert

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Hi.  My husband gifted me a ticket to “Prince and a Piano” and despite the performance being after 6pm and not in my living room, I went, and it was awesome.  Here is the Montreal Gazette’s review: Prince Rules In Intimate Setting, and here is my experience:

This lobby smells like money.

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If I had to guess by all the black clothing and absence of selfies, no one here is under 40.  The wine glasses placed politely atop the recycling bin confirms it.

Is anyone else here alone?  It’s cool.  I’m cool.

Is anyone else going in?  I feel like sitting down.  I’m going in.

I am in the fifth row, on the aisle.  JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH.  Be cool.  It’s cool.  The aisle.  Good.  Yes.  I can politely vomit in that direction.

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Um.  It’s after 7:15 and he’s still not here.

7:17.  iPhone, iPhone, iPhone.

People are now taking selfies with his piano.  A flash goes off.  HIS PIANO IS PURPLE!

7:20. WTF.  Is this “Prince and a Piano” or “Just Us and a Piano?”  Amirite, Fifth-Row-Neighbor?  Oh sorry, I did not see your hand politely atop your wife’s thigh.  Date Night, huh?  Nice.  I saw your wine glasses earlier.

A single piece of hard candy is discovered and fished out of my pants’ pocket.  Dinner!

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I’m for sure gonna vomit.

7:29.  The Coolest of The Cool appears in silhouette, 1/4 afro, 1/4 platforms, all soul.  He is everything I want to be.  I can’t believe I’m here right now.  What a freaking privilege.  He’s here.  He’s here!!!  All is forgiven.  Crowd goes politely wild.

Where do I put my phone?  Seriously.  I didn’t bring a purse.  I don’t know how this works.

Prince struts up to the piano then kneels at the bench in prayer.

Cream.

He starts “U Got the Look” and is it so slow and tender it tickles, and suddenly I wonder if it’s just a build-up to  OMGISSHEENAEASTONGOINGTOBEHERE?!?

Multiple security guards bob and weave their way through the front rows, clicking their tiny lights on and off incessantly.  Is someone trying to record this?  AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A PRINCE FAN?

During “I Would Die 4 U” the house lights come up and Prince asks everybody to stand up and — make no mistake — offer praise.  Things get uncomfortable.

The security guards are getting real tired of your shit, Fourth-Row-and-Above.

I reapply my lipstick for the inevitable moment Prince spots me in the crowd and asks for a chaste kiss on the cheek.  I do it eagerly but then start bawling over how my six-year-old cried when I left him to come to this concert.  Prince hugs me, whispers a secret only we 2 can hear and dedicates his next song to me, The Most Beautiful Girl in the World.

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Source unknown

Fuck.  Security thinks my lipstick is a recording device and now I have their attention.

“STARFISH AND COFFEE.  MAPLE SYRUP AND JAM”.  I’m dying.

“This is the Ballaaaaaaad of Dorothy Parker.”  It is done.  I am dead now.

I wish “Prince and A Piano” would revolve.  I’ve been staring at the back of his head this whole time – which is a joy, yes.  It is a joy to be in the same room as Prince’s head but couldn’t this theatre figure out how to spin him around?  Not so he gets dizzy, just enough so that he could see me above all others is what I’m saying.  Damn.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  I haven’t been out of my house this late in years.  And did I mention the crying child?

What?

What’s happening?

That’s Annie Lennox Bob Marley’s “Waiting in Vain”.  I know this song!  And now it’s “If I Was Your Girlfriend”.  I sure know this song!  He is blending the two into some kind of anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better spectacle because he can because Prince.

Hey Lady In The Front Row Who Shouts “THANK YOU PRINCE!” After Each Song – you speak for all of us.  Literally.  Why is this crowd so subdued?  Is everyone here sober?  I mean I am but I have to go home and breastfeed my daughter.

Daughter.

Home.

It’s getting late I’ll bet.

I’d be okay without an encore.

All these people are going to be in the coat check line before me.

What if I can’t get a cab?

It’s very late.

I need to leave this place.

What if I can’t leave this place?

I left.  I was That Person who left before the end of the encore.  The Only 1.

I finally looked at my watch as the cab drove away.  It was 9:00pm.  I smiled.  No panic attack, no regrets.

THANK YOU PRINCE!

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One thought on “If I Live-Blogged the Prince Concert

  1. My goodness, sister. For some reason my WP blog feed isn’t updating so I had to manually come here (quelle horreurs!), and I have to say: this post! THIS POST! I am so happy for you, and wow on the timing. And sad, so sad, that he’s gone :(

    Like

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