Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

As I unpacked my clothes the other day, I thought about all the pieces I could eliminate if I employed The Closet Trick:

“Turn around all the hangers in your closet so the hooks are pointing towards you. When you wear something, put it back with the hook the normal way.  In six months, any hanger still facing the wrong way is holding an item you haven’t worn, ready for the donation bag.” – Apartment Therapy

I haven’t worn half my clothes in more than six years because they are not breastfeeding-friendly.  That’s a long time to pack, move and store stuff I don’t use and looking down at my six-year-old-milk-producing-yet-disappearing breasts I wonder if I made the right decision.  Those clothes are never going to fit.  Where have both my flowers gone, loooong time passing?

I had no idea – none – how dramatically breastfeeding would change my body, let alone my entire life.

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Drawing and artistic license by Arlo’s friend Amanda, 5.

I just read an article that made me feel bad.  Wanna see it?

You Might Need a Life Audit

Top of the checklist?  Motherhood, and how I’m doing it wrong:

“If you are wholly absorbed in bringing up children but find it a daily struggle, you obviously need to implement time for self-care. Add “me time” to your to-do-list.”

My kids have been wholly absorbed in breastfeeding.  I have the breasts.  There is no separation between a child who exclusively breastfeeds and his mother.  There is no “me-time”.  While my breastfeeding days are coming a close (Farrah Star, 3, only asks to nurse before sleep), this has been a daily struggle.

A woman I know once wrote something and it made me feel good.  Wanna see it?

“We can do hard things.”

I want you to know, Struggling Mother, that there is merit in hard work and doing things you don’t always want to do.  I look at my kids and I don’t give a fig about my clothes.  Breastfeeding has dramatically changed my life, but dramatically improved theirs.

That’s where all my flowers have gone.

 

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2 thoughts on “Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

  1. I hear this. I didn’t want to hear it earlier today. I wanted a pedicure. But I thought maybe she wouldn’t even realize I had left her with the lovely ladies of the Mother’s Morning Out program. Maybe I could get 45 minutes of me time. Then I got the text about 15 minutes later. “She’s crying. How do you usually calm her?” My response “I nurse her….I’ll be right there.” Luckily I hadn’t gone far. Because deep down I knew. Oh well, we tried but it was too much too soon. It’s ok. I can do my own pedicures for now.

    Like

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