One night my husband dreamed he graduated from college and President Obama handed him his diploma. That same night I dreamed Kim Kardashian and I were best friends.
We’re different, my husband and I.
Today we had a fight in an ongoing battle. In order to stop the fight he said he should just quit the thing he loves, the battle thing. But quitting didn’t sound like a good idea. It never does except for sometimes and then it sounds fantastic. Like every-Tuesday-and-Thursday-evenings-and-every-other-weekend-to-myself fantastic.
Marriage can be challenging.
In addition to fights and differences, I know I do not give my husband enough. I give everything to my children and hope my husband loves me for it or through it or in spite of it. It’s like what that guy on Reddit said:
(In case you’re on your phone and lost your new reading glasses:
“I love my kids. But there’s nobody I love more than my wife. Why you ask? Because my kids one day will grow up, start a family and leave us. But my wife will always be by my side. But you have to know and accept it won’t be the same for your wife.”)
Maybe you shouldn’t believe everything that an acquaintance of a stranger on the internet says but hey, you’re here now aren’t you? And that doesn’t make it any less true.
A while ago we went on a family bike ride. In the midst of it I looked at the back of my husband and thought, “I wonder where he and I will tour first? Will it be Italy or the south of France?” Not if, not when, but where. That implies certainty and that is what I have to give. Is it enough?
Fifteen years ago I pulled the future father of my children into my bed and stayed there until he proposed. Ten years ago I married him in Montreal. Even then I knew I wasn’t marrying my best friend but I did marry someone better – my complement. We are different, my husband and I, but we are balanced. Everything I am not, he is and and everything he is not, I am and on this single thing if nothing else, we agree. It has made for a wonderful life, easy in practical ways and satisfying in most others.
As to thelizardkind76 of Reddit and his advice, I don’t know if my husband will ever forgive me for becoming a mother in the way that shortchanged his wife, but I hope he finds acceptance by the time we get to Italy.