Adopting Salvation: Tim
I found my birth parents this summer. Adopting Salvation is our story in three parts.
Tim I heard from first. Tim I spoke with first. When I opened the door to finding my birth parents I was the definition of vulnerable; my whole self lay exposed. Tim stepped through that door without hesitation and that’s when I knew I was safe. My birth father said yes and showed me it was going to be okay.
He also showed me pictures of himself so more fun could be had:
Tim also showed me pictures of his family and that’s when I learned I was the eldest of his four children. Technically. Genetically. It was a shock to see a large, happy, cohesive family that had nothing to do with me. Honestly. The feelings are difficult to articulate so I won’t try again, instead I’ll share what I wrote to him:
“I have no expectations and appreciate what is here and now. I cannot imagine the position you were in 46 years ago and I do not feel angry about decisions made. Well, a sting of rejection perhaps but nothing more and I assure you, nothing lasting. I cannot miss what I never had. I am grateful I had the chance to live, for look at me now!”
You would not believe how often and how deeply I have relied upon the “fake it ’til you make it” tactic throughout this process. Transparent or not, Tim never hesitated to answer my questions and in that way he emboldened me to ask more. As the layers slowly peeled away, he made it so I didn’t have to fake it, and isn’t that parenthood? In addition, each of his children, my half-siblings, have reached out to me on their own and welcomed me to whatever lies ahead. That level of acceptance, openness and kindness seems to me a direct reflection upon Tim and their mother and I have been blessed by their efforts. That is trickle-down parenting at its best and in this case, most bizarre.
Tim and his family live far away but it is my greatest hope that I will see him one day. I believe it will happen. Tim has never laid eyes on me, never held me and I don’t think either of us wants to end the same way we began.
So until we meet, I say thank you, Tim. You made me safe by saying yes when you didn’t have to say anything at all. Everything is going to be okay.
I have had the best possible outcome of something long wished for. Thank you to Annette, Linda, Tim, my four siblings and to everyone who wrote me and commented with notes of encouragement and care. I lived this story while parenting my two small children during the summer of 2016 so I lived it quietly. I wrote this story for my two small children so that one day they will know all the branches of their tree and the roots that hold them strong. Finally I thank my husband who, when asked to step back and follow my lead, said yes, setting me free.